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  • Too Many Greyhairs In September!

    Aug 30th 2010

    By: Blazing

    2 comments

    “The kids are going back to school next week, Blazing. Shall we look for a bargain break somewhere?”

    The management must have read my mind. That was going to be a job for this weekend anyway. The element of surprise may have gone, but a few days away from work would be more than welcome right now.

    “Our favourite place down by Cheddar then?” Confirmation is received and the good old interweb is put to its most practical use.

    I flinch. Now that is not what I was expecting to pay in the second week of September. Who the hell will pay that midweek? Admittedly we do want somewhere comfortable, with good food, and preferably an indoor pool. That means four or five stars, but surely they are running into a quiet spell that week?

    So begins four hours of frantically scrambling round the good hotels we know, and then trying to find some that, as yet, we don’t. The North Devon coast yields nothing. North Cornwall? South Devon? Nope.

    Don’t mind Bournemouth or Weymouth. Blimey, this is getting silly. The prices go up that week! A bolthole in the New Forest is found in a search and the money looks right. Right that is until you read that it is the price per person, not per room, and dinner will cost an arm and a leg.

    I phone another old favourite in the south-west. “When do you want to come?” I confidently answer. They chuckle. It seems that everybody in Britain without schoolage kids has been waiting for this moment to get away to the better hotels and enjoy somewhere comfortable, with good food, and preferably an indoor pool!

    Another half-hour of key-punching and I discover a credit card discount that lessens the pain at our original choice. The good thing about going back to a place you had shunned online is that they don’t know you are there with your tail between your legs, ripe for the hoteliers equivalent of gazzumping.

    We could have gone abroad for a week on what three days is costing us in Somerset, but bollocks to all that sun, sea, sand etc. That won’t do anybody any good now, will it?

    Uncategorized

  • Am I Missing Something?

    Aug 12th 2010

    By: Blazing

    4 comments

    Five billion pounds. They are quite specific. That is what fraudulent benefit claims are costing us.

    What I am struggling to comprehend is that to know the ‘how much’ they surely have to know the ‘who’?

    Just stop paying them!

    Or, perchance, is this yet more populist soundbites knowing full well that middle-England will love any assault on the perceived ’scroungers’, and all that will really happen is what has started in the last couple of years.

    The genuinely disabled will be turned down for their benefit as a matter of policy and will be forced through a complicated and worrying tribunal process just to get what is rightfully theirs reinstated.

    Let’s pick on the weakest David, shall we? The easy targets. That’ll make the figures look good.

    Uncategorized

    incompetence, twat

  • It Was On The Cards, I Guess

    Jul 25th 2010

    By: Blazing

    No comments

    “Sorry Blazing, I’m off.”

    “Where will you go?”

    “Got a place on Swindon Road.”

    “Well I certainly won’t see as much of you there. Not in walking distance so we won’t be able to share many drinks.’

    “You know I needed something more in my life.”

    “Yeah, I know, but that doesn’t make this moment any easier. We have history, and lots of good memories.”

    “We can still see each other on special occasions, be friends, you know.”

    Damn you Ossie. Best pint of 2’s in town and now you are off to another pub. Guess from now on it will have to be Guinness in the ‘dilly for me. It won’t be the same mate.

    Uncategorized

    beer, Guinness, Sorry, the Grot

  • We Take Advantage Of Oddjob, Again

    Jul 4th 2010

    By: Blazing

    3 comments

    “I’ll pick you up at quarter to seven, Shag.”

    I nod gratefully.

    “Why does he always call you Shag?”, Mrs Blazing enquires. I remind her that Oddjob calls everybody Shag.

    So I am outside, golf clubs, shoes, and lounge suit ready and packed when the big O rolls up, as expected, at twenty to seven. Luckily it is a beautiful morning, the sort that is a real pleasure to experience despite having to get up just a few short hours after hitting the sack.

    Ten minutes later we are knocking on Fester’s door. “Seven o’ clock you told me”, he mumbles. The start of the day’s banter ensues. We are all fat, old, bald, too early. Why do fellas rib each other like that?

    We reach the Golf Club to be greeted by another sixteen or so mates, and once again we are all tight, piling on the pounds, losing the hair, etc.. We grab three coffees and Fester pours a little supplementary brandy into his and mine. Good lad.

    Oddjob goes out early, and is entrusted with looking after the youngest of our number. The big fella is a good influence. He gets round the course quickly and encourages his partners.

    Fester will have a bag full of goodness knows what in one group. I have some WKD in mine for the morning round. We meet again for the lunchtime pints. Oddjob has his coke and chuckles with the rest of us. Another eighteen holes follow in the afternoon. I have a bottle of Pina Colada for refreshment, Fester has more beer in his group, I think.

    It is too hot to go straight in the shower when we complete the day’s sport. A Guinness is in order first. Oddjob chucks the keys to the car at Fester and I. “Put your stuff in the boot when you’re done.” Showered and refreshed, we do just that.

    Guinness and a delicious roast dinner are enjoyed before the prizegiving. That is over at about nine in the evening. As the bulk of the guests start the fifty minute drive home, Fester and I exchange rounds. He is on gin, I am on Glenfiddich. Oddjob has coffee.

    “You ready then, Shag?”

    Oddjob has once again shown the patience of a saint. Four times a year he ferries us to these golf days. Always it is a fifteen or sixteen hour day for him, and since the heart doctor told him to stop drinking he is always the ‘designated driver’.

    That’s ‘designated’ as in ‘expected’, or even ‘taken for granted’.

    His last remaining vice is the odd decent cigar on the golf course. I must remember to hunt down a Cuban for him. It’s a small price to pay for the friendship he shows us.

    He’s still a fat old sod though!

    Uncategorized

    friendship, golf, Guinness

  • Putting Their Foot In It

    Jun 13th 2010

    By: Blazing

    3 comments

    The Grot is one short for the Sunday morning debating society. He is in South Africa for the first group stage of the World Cup. We Skype him.

    Apparently the trip has been superb, vuvuzelas apart! The locals have been very friendly, and all sorts of tours have been undertaken. Everybody wants to talk about the football, and quickly ‘Smudge’ learnt that Bafana Bafana was the South African team.

    “So what do they call England then?” The answer, it would appear, is Drol Drol. The tourists smile, pleased to have a new nickname. Everywhere the English go they ask “Beer for Drol Drol? Food for Drol Drol”.

    On Friday the tour party were taken on a safari. What an experience. A bull elephant threatened the convoy, then had an almighty dump in the middle of the road and walked on. The boys are allowed out of the van to stretch their legs, and receive their instructions.

    “Stay close to the van, and do not tread in the elephant’s drol drol.”

    Uncategorized

    football, humour, the Grot

  • Lost Days Of Summer

    Jun 7th 2010

    By: Blazing

    3 comments

    Last summer wasn’t a particular favourite. Mrs Blazing spent much of it under the influence of surgeons and as a result we did not get to spend one day in the garden, from memory. The previous year I remember we had one barbeque with the neighbours in June, and that was that!

    Forgive me therefore, if I can only afford a cautious acknowledgement of the weekend just past. Two fine evenings in the garden, accompanied by Chinese food on Friday, and a delicious barbe feast on Saturday, were certainly a joy. Tonight, however, the rains are back, and with a vengeance.

    The garden feast is such a rarity over here that many of them stick in the memory down the years. In this momentous week for South African sport I am reminded of one the most memorable. World Cup, 1990, and England play Belgium in the last sixteen. “Come on over”, says a friend with a huge pile in the country.

    The television is set up on the patio, and much beer and wine accompanies the seemingly endless supply of burnt flesh. In the last minute of extra-time David Platt adds a dramatic finish to two nail-biting hours to book us a quarter-final date with Cameroon. From memory that party, that started on Saturday afternoon, went long into the Sunday!

    Beer and alfresco dining are intertwined. Around the same time I recall attending one bash with a friend from the north of Hadrians Wall, and for the one time in my life I was persuaded to ‘kilt up’ in full Highland pipe band regalia. Thankfully the photographic proof is not here. I cannot be persuaded to share it with you.

    Without doubt though the most memorable bashes were at the home and studios of eighties music producer, Martin Rushent, when his biggest acts shared his home for an evening with the villagers. A local Chinese restaurant set up shop in the grounds as the famous and the yokels partied the night away.

    Looking for memories of those parties on line I found one of the most painful YouTube videos I think I have ever seen. What a sad sight that is through these old eyes, I don’t mind admitting. Proof that summer doesn’t last for long, and never has.

    Uncategorized

    beer, food, wine

  • Adge Has The Glums

    May 30th 2010

    By: Blazing

    3 comments

    The Grot is quiet for a while. Adge and the boys are getting over their day out. The lively banter of a normal Sunday is much more subdued today. The silver lining for me is that never again will I have to hear the old line about “We’ve never lost at Wembley, Blazing.”

    “So did you drown your sorrows last night, Adge?” I am trying to coax more than the odd grunt out of him.

    “Not really, Blazing. Had a few pints, obviously, then went home and played all me sad songs before hitting the hay.”

    I really don’t want to know what constitutes a sad song for Adge. His taste in music is not one I share, and I like most things, believe me. Alphabetically sorted on iTunes, my collection stretches from Aaron Copland to ZZ Top. Sort by genre and it goes from acid punk to world music. I have an eclectic musical taste.

    I turn the conversation to his chosen medium for listening to music. Like most of us nowadays the computer is delivering the bulk of his tracks, although I raise an eyebrow when he says he is mainly playing cd’s through his. “Ever heard of Spotify, Adge?”

    “Like zits, you mean?”

    Oh dear. I look at my now empty glass.

    “Yeah. Zits, Adge. Your round.”

    I’ll save the education until I have a full pint and a lot more patience.

    Uncategorized

    music, the Grot

  • Salad Days – Or Not

    May 23rd 2010

    By: Blazing

    3 comments

    The unexpected and sudden arrival of tropical conditions see me scurrying for information about fresh food. I check the website of the local pick your own farm, only to see they don’t open for the summer until next weekend. Bugger!

    It is going to be too damned hot to cook for a few days. I am salivating for freshly picked salad vegetables. I scour Google for alternative farm shops, and see there is a Farmers Market at the local outlet village on Sundays. Sorted.

    But it turns out I am not. Stupid unpredictable growing seasons. Where I expect to find lots of tomatoes, spring onions, radishes, some watercress, to go with my foreign lettuce (well I know they won’t be ready!) I find only the toms. A few skinny carrots are about too.

    However there is wine, grown on the occasionally sunny slopes of the West Country. At double the price of a good Chilean cabernet I am persuaded to try something “full-bodied and great with meat”. Some unusual local cheese infused with various fruits is another snip at the same price as an entire ball of cheddar. Some strange looking bread, “great for toast”, sets me back over three quid for a very oddly shaped loaf.

    I avoid the nice-looking lady with the chilli chutney, the temptress with the multiple filled doughnuts, and the shifty looking beggar with a variety of odd looking jams and conserves. Somehow I also manage to bypass the freshly cooked sausages although I am drooling rather more than your average Boxer dog when presented with a particularly tasty treat.

    Roll on next weekend.

    Uncategorized

    food, wine

  • The Diet Goes On

    May 19th 2010

    By: Blazing

    2 comments

    Mrs Blazing is on the sofa with two hairy bikers when I get in from work. We sit, salivating at the Welsh lamb cooked three ways that beats the local chef’s best efforts with some fabulous looking duck.

    At six it is over. Half an hour break before the Great British Menu comes on, and three chefs from Northern Ireland promise to do wonderful things with lamb, beef, and champ.

    That’s not much of a gap.

    “Salad?”

    “Fine.”

    This wall to wall cookery on television is a waste of bloody time isn’t it?

    Uncategorized

    chef, food

  • Love On The Rocks

    May 10th 2010

    By: Blazing

    3 comments

    It’s funny the way some things trigger memories of friends long since out of your life. I was chatting with Piggy at the weekend when he mentioned Dan, one of the first people I met when moving here twenty years ago.

    Dan was one of these eternal hippy types, who wandered from continent to continent, seeing the world and broadening his horizons. It therefore came as no surprise that he should decide to head off to Nepal to find some sort of enlightenment.

    On the slopes of Everest, however, he found more than just spiritual uplifting with a sherpa’s daughter and news reached us of a hurried marriage under suspicious circumstances.

    We thought that was the last we would see of him, but a year later he strolled into the Grot as though nothing had happened. He seemed a tad unwilling to expand on his experiences at first, but the tongue-loosening effects of several pints of 2’s soon had him recounting the whole sorry tale.

    Apparently all had gone well at first, the romance (and lust!) of the situation more than made up for the fact that these two people from different cultures could not even converse in a common language in the rarified atmosphere.

    It all started to go a bit pear-shaped when his new in-laws suspected him of helping himself to more of the family food rations than that to which he was entitled. Under local customs he was charged with theft, not that he knew until a multi-lingual passing climber, in search of his father-in-law’s services, passed on the reason for him being banished to an outhouse.

    The arrival of the climber came at an opportune moment and allowed for a resolution of the situation. At a specially convened ‘court hearing’ the elders of the village found Dan guilty of theft, and agreed with his father-in-law that further punishment could be avoided if the marriage of his daughter to this ‘wanderer’ could be annulled.

    “I don’t understand”, my friend said to the climber as he was told of what had been decided on the slopes of the highest of all mountains. “You mean…”

    “Yes, Stealy Dan. This is your High Asian divorce.”

    Uncategorized

    Everest, friendship, the Grot

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    • Too Many Greyhairs In September!
    • Am I Missing Something?
    • It Was On The Cards, I Guess
    • We Take Advantage Of Oddjob, Again
    • Putting Their Foot In It
    • Lost Days Of Summer
    • Adge Has The Glums
    • Salad Days – Or Not
    • The Diet Goes On
    • Love On The Rocks
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